How to use Value Setting to Rebuild Trust

Rebuilding trust is a major part of relationship counseling. This worksheet will help you start thinking about all of the steps of communicating that you are serious about becoming dependable and trusted.

Communication Concepts      1. Admit responsibility

                                                2. Ask for trust evaluation

                                                3. Write out your desired Destiny Value

                                                4. Establish measurable and reachable behavioral goals

                                                5. Plan activities moving you toward your shared goal

                                                6. Seek outside accountability sources

7. Celebrate small victories with clear acknowledgements

Homework: Circle the five (5) words that you think are the most important to you. If you think of one or two other words that aren't listed please add them.

Circle the three (3) problems you found yourself dealing with throughout your life. If you can't find the problems in the list, please add them.

When a problem keeps emerging in your life those around you begin to think the problem is so much stronger than you are that it will pull or push you. One way of saying it is "They believe in the problem's momentum and power rather than trust in you to overcome it." If you say you are going to change they start watching your actions and, unfortunaly, expect the problem to pull you off course. Any need for a correction to get back on track leaves evidence that you drifted to the right or to the left, you were off course.

Picture yourself on a farm tracker ready to start plowing a field. You want to plow straight furrows. How do you do that?

As a boy I watched others plowed Idaho farm land. I noticed the driver would pick out a fence post across the field and head for it. They chose a target (goal) and aimed at it. I thought I had discovered the secret but I had missed a very key component. Not only had they picked out a fence post to keep their eye on, they had also selected a mountain peak in the distance, lined up the peak and post to create alignment. With both targets in alignment now all one had to do is pay attention and not take their eye off the two aligned targets.

In life the fence post represents our measurable goals, but we first need to select a mountain peak in the distance that helps us fame our vision. The mountain represents the destiny value you want to align your behavior so you can plow straight furrows (completing objectives through constant actions).

If you only talk about your objectives your listener won't hear that you have a clear target in sight (your goal) that they can measure to see how close you come and how fast you get there. If you first identify and describe the destiny value that you want to align with and move toward no matter what field you are plowing, your listener will, most likely, give you more trust because they now can see there is more to trust in.  You have value based plan of action with an in line measurable goal.

Use the rest of this page to draw a picture of you on your tracker getting ready to plow. Once you have and picture label all the items in your picture. To make your picture like real life, draw a big rock halfway across the field. The rock represents one of the problems you will encounter. The question is, "What will you do?"

Sit down with someone who you consider to be a good listener and show them your picture. Then ask for their insight.