How Big Is Your Backpack?

    I have this backpack that I got when I was born, and its purpose was to contain all the negative feelings and painful emotions from many events I had experienced throughout my life. I was sexually abused as a child: fear and shame went in to the backpack. I was physically abused: more fear, mistrust and hate went into my backpack. Drinking, drugs, sex: guilt, shame and worthlessness went into my backpack. My Mom was murdered: abandonment, loneliness and fear. I carried that backpack for years, stuffing into it all the painful feelings, emotions and a few empty candy wrappers along the way.

     By the time I reached 31 years old, my backpack was huge!! The weight of carrying it all that time was overwhelming and I was literally crumbling underneath it. Just like a physical backpack, when you're wearing it, you can't really see it on your back, but you can feel the weight. 

    I could not initiate or maintain any long-term relationships, the backpack was too big, and I was beginning to run out of room to stuff anymore into it. The weight of the emotions affected every area of my life.

     Recognizing my powerlessness to carry it any longer made me ready to make a change in my life. Sure, there was a part of me that believed I could still carry it, and wouldn't it be a lot harder to pick up again if I put it down? You know you have recognized powerlessness when your exhaustion from carrying the backpack overcomes your fear of looking inside it.

     Recognizing powerlessness is just the beginning, it is the realization that you can't carry the backpack any longer. The rest of the process involves looking at what is in the backpack, cleaning it out and then keeping it cleaned on a daily basis. It is trusting God enough to allow Him to carry the backpack while you walk through the process and also trusting other people to help you with the cleaning.

     How big is your backpack? It doesn't matter if it is 10 pounds or 350 pounds, it will weigh you down and hold you back from the life God has planned for you. As it says in Hebrews 12:1-2: "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him, endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

And Matthew 11:28: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

     Maybe you are ready to clean out your backpack. Whether it's a relationship problem, a past hurt, or habit you just can't change, you have found a safe place at Marriage and Family Matters Counseling Center. We look forward to serving you!