Handling A Hot Topic - Family Finances

The crisis in the real estate market is showing up in divorce court. At least that was the conclusion one news report on television was trying to make this past week. It suggested that talking about financial pressures was causing the emotions of couples to boil over and lead to divorce.

Discussing finances can trigger the blame game and emotions can become superheated.

What if there was another way, a respectful way to address hot topics like family finances.

If you were going to take a roasting pan out of the oven after it had been baking at 350 degrees for 35 minutes what would you do first? We would all reach for the oven mitt. We would not try to handle the pan without protecting our hands. Now, with your hands protected, you can respectfully and carefully pull the pan out of the oven. The wrong thing to do would be to turn to your spouse and push the hot pan toward them without warning and not giving them time to find another set of oven mitts.   

Too often couples end up getting burned by not preparing to handle the hot topics in their marriage.

Here are suggestions that can turn arguments into discussions:

1.       Set aside a time to deal with hot topics. Make sure everyone in the room knows to prepare themselves to handle the hot issue.

2.       Don't try to do two things at the same time. Someone will likely get burned.

3.       Wait until everyone is ready to start together. A good starting point is beginning with prayer.

4.       Make it OK to set the hot topic down for a few minutes if someone is starting to feel the heat and they are getting concerned about getting burned.

5.       Make it your objective to build up everyone's confidence in skillfully handling hot topics without anyone getting burned. If someone gets badly burned then fear will take over rather than building on the feeling of confidence.

6.       Set realistic expectations. If you have been doing the wrong things for five years don't expect to solve all of your financial issues in one meeting or in one month. One successful meeting can lead to other meetings where, over time, more gets accomplished.

At the conclusion of your meeting, after setting the hot topic down, check to see what direction you are emotionally facing as a team.

If you are looking backward – turn around and look to the future as a team focused on the big goal.

If you are looking across at each other in a blaming/defending position – turn toward the future and stand as a team focused on the big goal.

If you are standing back to back in a posture of ignoring each other – turn to the future and stand as a team focused on the big goal.       

If you are standing side by side facing the future as a team focused on the big goal, you are pointed in the right direction.

Thank God for any success. Then ask Him to bless your efforts in handle the hot topics respectfully.