Better Communication Starts with Listening

When I was eleven years old I was sent to a hearing specialist for testing. My parents and teachers were concerned that I was losing my ability to hear.

It was a big deal! We took the train 100 miles to a much larger city so the medical testing could be done.

After returning home the next day, I was on the phone with one of my buddies who asked, "So, did you fail the hearing test?" I remember my reply word-for-word, "No, it wasn't my hearing, just my listening."

At age eleven I discovered a key life lesson. If you aren't listening it doesn't matter that you can hear!

What keeps you from listening well? What is going on inside your head when someone else is talking?

Are you:
• Impatiently waiting and planning what you want to say when it is your turn?                                                                                                                 
• Reorganizing what you are hearing to make it sound better or more acceptable?
• Looking for the errors or mistakes?
• Feeling whatever is being said is setting a standard you will be measured against?                                                                                          • Taking a mini vacation by yourself?

Active listening occurs when the focus is on what is being said so that, if needed, you can repeat word-for-word what you heard.

A communication exercise you can use to increase your listening ability is to pay close attention to what someone else is saying and then, before you add your comments, start with, "I thought I heard you say …. (repeat what you heard)." Then ask, "Did I get that right?"

If they respond with "No" or "Not quite" ask them to repeat what you missed and try again. When they respond with a "Yes" that means it is your turn to add your comments.

To help you understand the impact listening makes, wait an hour or more and ask the other person how they felt about your last conversation.

There is much more to be said about listening that can bring great benefits for saving time to developing closeness but it all starts with Dr. B's Rule - listen 20 seconds longer.

My dear brothers, always be willing to listen and slow to speak. Do not become angry easily.         James 1:19