Countdown to Counsleing

(Or, what to do with the ten minutes before the appointment begins!)

I can still recall our Boy Scout motto: "be prepared".  Who could have guessed how relevant those words would be to my life as a pastor and pastoral counselor?  Yet I have learned that things go much, much better if I seek to "be prepared" for my meetings with counselees.  Here are a few things that seem to help.

Prayer

I know it is stating the obvious, but the most important thing I do before an appointment begins is to pray.  If you were able to peek in on me a few minutes before the start up time, you would likely find me sitting in a chair quietly asking the Holy Spirit to fill me and to prepare me for what He knows lies ahead.  I also often take a moment to move about the room, laying my hands on the seats I expect my counselees to occupy and asking God to open their hearts to what they need to hear.  Sometimes I will stretch my hands out in the room, sanctifying the square footage itself, asking God to fill that space with His presence, His wisdom and His spirit of understanding and revelation.  All this takes place before I bring anyone else into the room for our counseling appointment.

Often, I ask the Lord to clear my mind of distractions and help me to be sensitive to His leading.  I may pause and take note of any Scripture passages, mental images or other hints from above that capture my inner attention.   I go on to pray that my counselees will arrive focused and ready to get to what is important to our visit that day. 

Once counselees have arrived and are ready to begin meeting, I will sometimes ask if we could take a moment and pray and invite the Lord to lead our session.  This, of course, is only done in those cases where I am certain that the counselees are comfortable and willing participants in such a prayer.  Now, soaked in prayer of various kinds, we are ready to begin!

Note Review

I'm a big believer in taking notes not only as a counseling professional, but as a pastor meeting with members of the flock.  Of course these notes must be kept confidential and out of the reach of prying eyes.  However, I find that by reviewing my notes before starting a follow up session, I am often reminded of important themes, homework, obstacles, breakthroughs or other features of previous sessions.  By having these things on recall when beginning our next session I can help my counselees to feel valued – a very important component of what will make the present session productive.  Notes can also be of immense value should there be any legal or moral questions that arise over time. 

Shaking Off Distractions

It would be great if the life of a pastor or pastoral counselor could be 100% dedicated to their counselees each day without any distractions whatsoever, but we all know this is not the case.  I always double check that my cell phone is switched to off or vibrate so as not to interrupt our session.  As a counseling professional, I will close the door so as to provide complete privacy although I know that pastors may have to observe cautionary protocols to balance privacy with personal accountability. 

A few minutes before the appointment may be just enough time to check email, answer a call or follow up on some other matter but it is not a good time to take up larger matters that will crowd into the sanctity of the appointment and cause undue distraction.  Better to save those issues for another time, if at all possible. 

I have found it valuable to check in with how I am feeling physically before an appointment starts.  Am I full of muscle tension?  Is my breathing more rapid and shallow?  Is my heart rate a little high due to nervousness?  All these things are signals telegraphing my expectations and, as such, they should not be ignored.  If I find that I am tense, nervous or fluttery, I can take a moment and draw several deep breaths, followed by strong exhales.  I pretend that my neck and shoulder muscles are tightened rubber bands that are now going completely loose and limp.  I can get out of the chair and walk around for a moment, shaking hands and arms and, by so doing, shake off tension, distraction and bottled up nervous energy.  This is a good prelude to prayer (see above).

Not My Will but Thine be Done

As a pastor or pastoral counselor we are servants to both God and our counselees.  It is easy, I have found, to get hooked into wanting to advance my own agenda for our interactions with others – to want to "tell them a thing or two" or to push towards the points we want to make without really doing the important groundwork that may be required. 

Counseling, by nature, can be filled with tensions large and small.  Therefore, we may be in a bit of a hurry sometimes to take care of ourselves (as opposed to our counselee) by fast-forwarding to a resolution we think best.  It is true that being with people who are in the "valley of decision" can be rough when we know the answer we want our counselee to hurry up and discover!  That's why I feel it is important to empty ourselves of our agendas before the session begins and seek to live out James' call to "be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires" (James 1: 19, 20).   Even when direct confrontation is required, doing so in a spirit of humility and quiet strength is more likely to move the heart and will of those we are seeking to reach than a showdown.  "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" (Proverbs 15: 1)

With this in mind, I find it helpful to make a decision to focus on meeting the counselee where they are rather than on persuading them to quickly get where I want them to be whenever possible.  "Not my will, but Thine be done" captures the spirit of abandoning my own timeline and notion of what needs to happen in preference to what God may be calling for in a given moment, situation or counseling session. 

Preparation Makes the Difference

Rushing into a counseling appointment does not allow us much time to "be prepared".  But if we can schedule preparation time of at least ten minutes prior to an appointment and then use that time to ready the heart, mind, soul, spirit and even the room itself, we are likely to find that the value such readiness adds to the meeting time will be well worth our efforts.  I urge you to try adopting these practices before beginning you next counseling appointments and see if this "countdown to counseling" does indeed make a critical difference in your efforts to make the most of precious time spent with others.