Marriage & Family Matters

Just provide your contact information to receive our newsletter!

E-mail

Peek-A-Boo, I See You! - Parenting Series #3

By Linda J. Bagley, M.A., LMFT
Great parents have one thing in common: they are accused of having eyes in the back of their heads! Children are convinced that their parents can see everything! Try this experiment: Just stand quietly and watch your child. Wait for the child to look up and make eye contact. Make a mental note of the facial expression.

Was it a smile?
A questioning look?
Irritation?
Apprehension?

If the child asks you why you are looking at him or her respond by saying you needed to stop for a moment to take in how fast the child is growing up right before your eyes! If you can honestly say it, declare that you are proud of him or her and ask if you can give a hug.It is remarkable to experience and understand how powerful your eyes are in the minds of your children.

It is a sad moment in a counseling session when adults report that during their childhood they felt invisible. Their parents failed to stop long enough for their little one to soak up the attention of a parent watching over them. Most of us only play peek-a-boo with infants, but many of us need to be as intentional about saying "I see you!" with our teenagers as we did when they could be held in one arm.

You might have to start slow but the goal is to see each other eye to eye. If need be, get down on their level and look into their eyes. Sit directly across from them and look into their eyes. Or if they are taller than you, ask them to talk with you by the stairs so you can stand on the first step in order for you to look them in their eyes. In those moments when the child wants your attention (and this often happens when you are least wanting to give it) make sure your child experiences your full eye contact and is enriched by the power of you being focused only on him or her.

Hint: Smiling eyes are the most effective! Research has shown that there is an exchange of energy that happens between two people when there is that direct, unconditionally loving eye contact. Remember when you were first in love and how wonderful that made you feel? You could spend so much time looking into each others' eyes without even saying a word! You have the power to make your children feel that way, too!

It has been said, "The eyes are the windows to the soul." If you want your children to know you love them from the depths of your soul, look them in the eyes… then be sure to use your words to tell them they are important to you and that you love them.

Newsletter

Peek-A-Boo, I See You! - Parenting Series #3